Step by step

how to stay paralyzed by fear of abandonment
how to defer to men in solvable predicaments
how to control someone to be a carbon copy of you
how to have that not work and have them run away from you

how to keep people at arms length and never get to close
how to mistrust the ones who supposedly love the most
how to pretend you're fine and don't need help from anyone
how to feel worthless so fast you're helping

how to hate women when you're supposed to be a feminist
how to play all highest when you're really a hypocrite
how to hate god when you're a player and a spiritualist
how to sabotage when you're in tough seas

I've been doing research for years
I've been practicing my ass off
I've been waiting my whole life for this moment, I swear to you
Culminating just to be this well versed leader before you

how to lie to yourself and thereby to everyone else
how to keep smiling when you're thinking of killing yourself
how to know them all the too well by going with them
how to stay stuck in your life hating them

I'll teach you all this in 8 easy steps
In the course of a lifetime, I never forgot
I'll show you how to in 8 easy steps
I'll show you how leaderships were taught by the best

Thats what friends are for!!

Hi, I am a physician. A family doctor to be more precise. One of my dearest
friend Kumar is also my patient.

My Dad was his Dad's doctor....so guess we are family friends too. His being
filthy rich is besides the point ;) anyway, Kumar had a problem.....before
dying his dad created a trust fund of all the cash he had and made both kumar and
his wife Nalini the trustees.....being the "new age" couple they are they don't
have kids....

ok, now the problem....they can't stand each other......both of them have
a relationship outside of the marriage and neither wants to part with the money!!
(surpise, huh!!) ok, so where do i come in??? both of em trust ME!!

The other day Kumar approached me for a solution, and as any good friend would,
I obliged him. Not the perfect but the most effective solution was reached.
I gave him the name of a hitman (also my patient).Two days later(yesterday i.e.)
he would have been a free man......but 3 hours after he left Nalini came to me
with the same problem(and as any good friend would,I obliged him.)

Yesterday the Mumbai police found two dead bodies....they belive it was the work
of the underworld, some kind of an extortion racket. Hmmmm I am a bit low since
I lost two good friends but.............

Oh, I forgot to mention uncle's will had a clause, that if both Kumar and Nalini
died, the cash would be passed on to my dad.....ironically he died in a car
accident today morning..........

Sense of humor???

Got this in da mail.....worth a read ;)

SOME SECRETS OF PAKISTAN ARMY

How do you stop a Pakistani tank ?
Shoot the men who are pushing it.

How do you disable a Pakistani tank?
Hide the wind-up key.

How do you disable Pakistani missiles?
Cut the rubber band.

Pakistani Air Force officials have recently motioned for a name change for the PAF.
They want to call it the PMC, the Pakistani Mining Corps. This is because their planes
end up in the ground anyway.

Pakistani military researchers have recently ordered for the enlargement of the
hatches on tanks and other armoured vehicles. This is so they can be more easily
abandoned in enemy territory.

Have you ever seen Pakistani war heroes?
Neither has Pakistan.

Did you hear about the latest Pakistani invention?
It's a solar powered flashlight.

Did you hear about the other latest Pakistani invention?
The new automatic parachutes. They open on impact.

How do you sink a Pakistani battleship?
Put it in water.

Did you hear about the 747 jet which crashed into a cemetery in Karachi?
The Pakistani officials have so far recovered 3000 bodies.

Did you hear about the Pakistani admiral who had asked to be buried at sea?
Five Pakistani sailors died digging his grave.

Did you hear about the other tragedy in Karachi ?
There was a terrible power cut in Karachi's Four Square Shopping Mall. People were
stuck on the escalator for four hours.

Did you hear about the Pakistani family that froze to death outside a theatre ?
They were waiting to see the movie "Closed for the winter".

Did you hear about the Pakistani helicopter crash ?
The pilot felt cold, so he turned off the fan.

Why do Pakistani dogs have flat noses ?
They get it from chasing parked cars.

Did you hear about the Pakistani who studied diligently for five days ?
He was scheduled to take a medical test.

Did you hear about the shutdown of the Karachi National Library ?
Somebody stole the book.

Really important things to do.....

Got this on the web.......makes you wonder, these people don't have a life either ;)

"This is a list of just plain fun things to do. I do these every once in a while and it attracts attention, whether it be wanted or not. Here goes: 1. If there is a large crowd of people looking at something which requires perfect silence from the crowd, make sure you're in the back, out of anyone's view. Make a very weird noise. For instance, push the back of your tongue against the back of your throat (near your uvula) and it will make a "ghe" noise. People will wonder about you... 2. If you are on a manual, small form of transportation on a road for cars, wait for an extremely polite driver to give you extra space. If you're lucky enough, he'll have his window open, then you scream "WATCH WHERE YOU'RE DRIVING, (place random cussword here)!!!" 3. If you really want to give someone a fright, be in a car with them at night. Whil the car is off, and it's just you two, hope and pray that they stay silent. Look at the back of a seat or the dashboard. DO NOT make eye contact with them. After a while, scream at the top of your lungs. For added effect, get out of the car and run away. The other person may have a heart attack. 4. This is a cool way to take ANYBODY down. Get going at a good speed, a mix between a slow trot and a jog, then leap up and hook your arm around someone's neck, not pulling it. If they stay up, say, "You passed", and if they fall, you've got them in a headlock!!! This is really only meant for short people like me. Please use these "tricks" and enjoy."

The real use for cellphones

Besides singing loudly where others can hear, have you ever dared to think out loud? Start a long conversation with yourself? Nowdays it's possible: just get an old defunct cellphone and an earphone. Sit in the park with the cellphone in your lap and say anything you want, right out loud. Nobody will care. (Just don't dare to try this WITHOUT an obvious cellphone and headset!) Hmmm. Even better. Just wear a headset alone, but with the plug dangling loose in your lap. Passersby will assume that you have a cellphone. But perhaps one or two will look more closely, realize that no cellphone is involved, then suddenly stop smiling. And back away from you carefully.

WHY SMOKE????

Here is a really cool alternative to smoking...

Face a light source such as a bare light bulb. Tightly close you lips. Fill your cheeks with air partially, breathe normally through your nose, then fiercely tense your cheeks and lips while blowing to compress the air inside. (It helps if you push fingers on your lips to keep air from spurting out.) Now relax your cheeks, part your lips, and spit the air out very slowly. (Don't breathe out, instead spit the air out with cheeks and tongue.) Smoke! Fog comes out of your mouth. It's just like the fog in the neck of a freshly opened bottle of cola. This works great in the dark with a flashlight.

The Primal Scream

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaa


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Romance??

naaaaaaah not my kinda muzik but I recently bought this double CD compilation of old folksy songs....this one is the most romantic song ever written I'd say and to add to that sung by JOHN DENVER....

Annie's Song
John Denver

You fill up my senses
Like a night in a forest
Like the mountains in springtime
Like a walk in the rain
Like a storm in the desert
Like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses
Come fill me again

Come let me love you
Let me give my life to you
Let me drown in your laughter
Let me die in your arms
Let me lay down beside you
Let me always be with you
Come let me love you
Come love me again

You fill up my senses
Like a night in a forest
Like the mountains in springtime
Like a walk in the rain
Like a storm in the desert
Like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses
Come fill me again

you just can't not appreciate this one!!!

Stuck in a moment?

Back to the single most important thing in life...MUZIK....can't live without it.....can't stand the BAD STUFF!!!

I love rock n metal but don't mind the old stuff like cat steavens or kishore or rafi for that matter....love the boss(both springstein and R.D.Burman) but this piece is about the shitty stuff....

Ever had an experience when there is this absolutely lovely song you just can't remember.....it is like it is stuck to tip of your tounge but you just can't get yourself to get hold of the details....there is nothing more irritating right??? naaaaaaah...there is something even worse....

You are listening to muzik on your walky or PC or take your pick.....somehow the playlist has this absolutely shitty song on it...and being the lazy being(cool huh!) you are you say what the hell let it play....ok no harm done.....now remove the ear phones, something is bothering you.....what the hell you have this insane urge to hum some song....who cares?? go ahead and the master piece that comes out is that shitty song......of the 250 odd songs on your playlist this was the only one that is stuck in your headspace!!!!! AAAAAAAAA HELP!!!!!!!!!!!! typically the song would be an ANU MALIK creation like that god forsaken...It's rainin, it's rainin...or i think it was JHANJARIA from GOPI KISHEN, yeah that was it....but it is not like I am puting down hindi muzik there are tonnes of such songs that suck in pop.ALL OF THE TEEN POP STARS a la spears, aguilera, enrique.......but what to do the "HUMAN" brain is a funny thing.....it will only cling to things that won't make sense......MURPHY, I AM GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!!!!!!!!!!!

Mr Murphy SUX

I am usually the odd man out in any group you would like to place me into...
so basically I am a wierdo....searchin for me....whatever that means..

What does that mean??? I am some how under the impression that I am just another guy who becuse is himself is wierd...wierd?? ok ne way no introspection..the point is some how rules don't work for me.....naaaaah I'm not a rebel, it is just that I don't get pissed by the usual stuff, am indifferent to most of the things, if I don't like you you will not exist for me, I hate remixes, love rock and metal, like to be different but also don't want the spotlight.....ne way so where does MURPHY come into this mess???

what I meant by rules were the usual things by which people swear by.....lucky charms, best friends, relationships these things don't work with me the only thing that works with me is Mr MURPHY's law.....whatever can go wrong(in the conventional sense) will, but since the conventional thing is not working for me MURPHY screws up the things that should work otherwise coz they are not normal and because of the double negative MURPHY is screwing up the wierd stuff AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA....
so, basically after another usual day with none of the usual things messed up and fuuking up the wierd stuff(making the wierd stuff wierder) it doesn't matter....so Mr MURPHY carry on with your entertainment, It is just making my list of extra curricular activities much more interesting.....so basically whatever is going on was supposed to. LET'S PLAY BALL!!!! M ready!!!

Gyan from Feynman..and how true...

I listened to a conversation between two girls, and one was explaining that if you want to make a straight line, you see, you go over a certain number to the right for each row you go up--that is, if you go over each time the same amount when you go up a row, you make a straight line--a deep principle of analytic geometry! It went on. I was rather amazed. I didn't realize the female mind was capable of understanding analytic geometry.

She went on and said, "Suppose you have another line coming in from the other side, and you want to figure out where they are going to intersect. Suppose on one line you go over two to the right for every one you go up, and the other line goes over three to the right for every one that it goes up, and they start twenty steps apart," etc.--I was flabbergasted. She figured out where the intersection was. It turned out that one girl was explaining to the other how to knit argyle socks. I, therefore, did learn a lesson: The female mind is capable of understanding analytic geometry. Those people who have for years been insisting (in the face of all obvious evidence to the contrary) that the male and female are equally capable of rational thought may have something. The difficulty may just be that we have never yet discovered a way to communicate with the female mind. If it is done in the right way, you may be able to get something out of it.

THE INITIATION

If you know me you know that I am a music buff, well if u don't know me...I am a music buff ;)...ne way the other day I was going through my collection (pretty huge one :)) and saw this old BonyM tape lyin around....that is what started this thought process....

Well my dad used to listen to music pretty often....one of his friends had come over and he had this new (happening i guess :)) tape from BoneyM....dad had not heard any of their tapes so he decided to take a sample....The first song was "Night flight to venus" if i remember correctly....I was around 6 then so, that song did not have any lyrics (not many any way!) but i loved the beat.....so as is customary i guess i started a voluntary "dance" (if u can call it tht, i still can't ;)) performance and dad said what the heck he got the tape recorded....and from that day on every day after school that was the only tape that played on the state of the art (for that time) JVC deck.....I guess I made everyone at home sick of that song, coz they somehow persuaded me to take a chance with some other cassette.....

That is when I discovered "Beat it" by MJ and I WAS HOOKED.... So if u see me with a walkman and a baseball cap with my head bobbing from one side to the other...blame it on my dad and his friend ;)

some trivia: Did you know that BoneyM was formed after their first song was released
and found an audience...the afro ppl were just performers, lip syncin a la Britney Spears....the creativity behind the music was that of the producer...that is how the story goes any way...

PS: this story is not as told to me but as i remember so............:)

DESPERATION?????

wada tera wada....Kishore

Bulaye chaon koi, Pukare dhoop koi;
Tera ho rang koi, Tera ho roop koi;
Kuch farak nahin naam tera......
Razia ho ya ho Radha....
WADA TERA WADA.........

The Hero of Geeks interested in physics...

But obviously...Feynman!! Here are few of his quotes....tells you how cool
he really was!!

"If we will only allow that, as we progress, we remain unsure, we will leave
opportunities for alternatives. We will not become enthusiastic for the
fact, the knowledge, the absolute truth of the day, but remain always
uncertain... In order to make progress, one must leave the door to the
unknown ajar."


You can know the name of a bird in all the languages of the world, but when
you're finished, you'll know absolutely nothing whatever about the bird...
So let's look at the bird and see what it's doing -- that's what counts. I
learned very early the difference between knowing the name of something and
knowing something.


"Science is the belief in the ignorance of experts. "


"We cannot define anything precisely! If we attempt to, we get into that
paralysis of thought that comes to philosophers, who sit opposite each
other, one saying to the other, 'You don't know what you are talking about!'
The second one says 'What do you mean by know? What do you mean by talking?
What do you mean by you?', and so on."


"...far more marvelous is the truth than any artists of the past imagined
it. Why do the poets of the present not speak of it? What men are poets who
can speak of Jupiter if he were a man, but if he is an immense spinning
sphere of methane and ammonia must be silent?"


(On pseudoscience) "...there is one feature I notice that is generally
missing in 'cargo cult science'... It's a kind of scientific integrity, a
principle of scientific thought that corresponds to a kind of utter honesty
-- a kind of leaning over backwards... For example, if you're doing an
experiment, you should report everything that you think might make it
invalid--not only what you think is right about it... Details that could
throw doubt on your interpretation must be given, if you know them."


"I'd hate to die twice. It's so boring." (last words)

........HITCHCOCK WAS GOD!!.......

Hmmmm......are you a movie buff?? Either way you will know that the recent hit "BHOOT" did not have any songs.....but the background score packed a solid punch...imagine watchin a horror movie without the sudden ups and downs in the pitch of the background score....it would seem so lifeless.......

Now, go to your DVD/VCD parlour and rent one of hitchcock's old movies...a la "THE 39 STEPS" or say "THE MAN WHO KNEW TOO MUCH" the actor's weren't great...movies were in black nd white.....and yeah, no background score (almost non-existant any way)...but while it lasts (not a long time....say 1 Hr or so..) it won't let you move....THAT was the genius of the man.......

In the recent past the only director who could get that kind of effect was (i think it was joel schumacher) the director of PHONE BOOTH (but he had the help of superior tech and better actors...)

Had hitchcock been a filmmaker now spielberg and cameron and guyz would have been number 2.......but still no one can argue..THAT MAN WAS A GENIUS!!!

SOUNDTRACKS??

i don't know if you are a music buff to but i am a complete BUFF....the thing is for every thing that happens a song usually pops up in my head...so a couple of days ago when I read of the nafisa joseph's suicide.... a couple of songs popped up in my head...the first one was SUICIDE IS PAINLESS (title song of M*A*S*H)...nd the other one was adam sandler's KILL ME (from the wedding singer...)

why??? the first one for the obvious reasons the second one coz it is about a disgrunteled lover tryin to cope with the rejection....so wot went thru your head (after you thought poor girl obviously....... :confused: )

Suicide is painless --- jay jay jhonson

Through early morning fog I see
The visions of the things to be
The pains that are withheld from me
I realise and I can see

Suicide is painless
It brings on any changes
But I can take or leave it if I please

The game of life is hard to play
I’m gonna loose it anyway
But losing cards are some days late
So this is all I have to say

The sword of time will pierce our skin
It doesn’t hurt when it begins
But as it works it’s way on in
The pain grows stronger watch it grin

A brave man once requested me
To answer questions that I keep
Is it to be or not to be
And I reply oh why ask me ?

And you can do the same thing if you please


Kill me ----Adam sandler

[Spoken] Ok, I just want to warn you that when I wrote this song I was listening to the Cure a lot.
[Sung]
You don't know how much I need you.
While you're around I don't feel blue.
And when we kiss I know that you need me too.
I can't believe I found a love that's so pure and true.

But it all was bullshit.
It was a goddam joke.
And when I think of you and I,
I hope you fucking choke.

I hope you're glad with what you've done to me.
I lay in bed all day long feeling melancholy.
You left me here all alone,
tears running constantly.

Oh somebody kill me please,
somebody kill me plee-ase,
I'm on my knees,
pretty pretty please kill me.
I want to die.
Put a bullet in my head.

[Spoken] Kid: You're going to the mental institution.

Ps: if u did not know M*A*S*H was ironically a comedy on the lives of army docs during the vietnam war!!!