The Trafficker

Everybody knows we Bangaloreans NEED traffic cops to maintain a semblance of sanity on the roads. To avoid jams a lot the traffic has moved to the various by lanes that litter Bangalore. I use one such "cross" road everyday. The traffic used to be BAD. Then one day lo and behold our prayers were answered. An old gentleman was standing there at 7:30 a.m. directing traffic. Brilliant! there IS a god. Now however, I guess that guy was just bored and wanted to see how many fools will follow him. I don't think he is the real deal...well here is why..

1) He wears a weird ensemble of clothes. I am no fashion critic but I haven't seen a cop wear stuff he comes up with...A jacket with a monkey cap and a muffler....with shorts that would put gymnasts to shame.

2) When he really gets pissed, he just holds up traffic because he can, continuously blowing his whistle at an unseen bullock cart that may cross us at any instant..at the speed of well cows..

3) Then there are moments when his arms are going around like a windmill and everybody is wondering who the hell is supposed to stop and who can go ahead...needless to say nobody stops...

4) He sometimes talks to Cows, AND gives them preference over pedestrians.

But I am still glad he is there coz every once in a while a new sucker shows up and stops at our "Cop's" command and you have a smile on your face as you drive past that guy!

Suspended Animation

Her white skin was gleaming under the bright sunlight. Enjoying everyone’s attention, her huge black eyes held every gaze directed at her. She was a traffic stopper alright. But then her master turned up and struck her hard with a stick and everyone moved on. Her famous last word still echo in the emptiness…..MOOOOOOOOOO.

Courage under fire

They lined both sides of his path to salvation. He charged ahead, ducking and weaving. Their arsenal was never ending, their aim wasn’t the best. Splinters of their ammunition were as dangerous as the ammunition. At least he was spared the sound of them loading and firing. The earth shattering universal noise of spitting …AAACHHTTTHOOOO

Trafficking Bangalore

Driving here is like playing a video game in suspended animation. There are so many things that drive me up the wall. Thankfully, the iPod keeps me calm. This post is dedicated to the various specimens found here.

Lets start with the pedestrians. I seriously feel dogs are better at crossing roads than some of these guys. No seriously, I don't mean it as a derogatory term. Dogs are better. For that matter cows are better too. Why you ask? When dogs cross the road they do ONE thing..cross the road. No cell phone, no chatting...when we humans do it is like we own this patch of land covered by my airspace! Now if you honk politely the dog will run to either side of the road, but the pedestrians? Nah, that will be too simple won't it. They will first freeze in the middle of the road. As you speed up to pass them they will take on step closer to you so that you slow down AND they will freeze again. I seriously want to get down from the bike and help them cross the road! BAH! BTW the cows are better as they don't cross the road at all. They just stand there and PEE!

Now the two wheelers. The sole reason for the chaos on Bangalore roads (I'm one of them). As soon as the traffic comes to a stand still we become like water. Every nook and cranny will be filled up by one of us. If the road doesn't have a divider we will flow into the wrong lane too AND THEN pick a fight with the guy coming the right way! The sole reason to own a two wheeler in Bangalore is to live for the moment between red lights, specially now that most of the traffic lights have a countdown timer! That is one moment when even Rossi will be put to shame by what we can do with our Scootys and TVS Champs!

The Big people, read car wallahs. The most jealous people ever. They usually drive in formation. Slow enough for you to tear your hair from your helmet (Ha ha err sorry), but the space between them is just enough for that dog to cross the road but not for you to overtake them. YOU ARE SCREWING UP MY RACE!! but noooooo the oldies just don't get it! Why jealous you ask? well when they bought the care they did not realise that even a cycle wallah can easily overtake them in Bangalore. So now they just want you to follow them!

BTW we have our own language too....Honking..

1 short burst - be careful you are backing into my front tyre
2 short bursts - Coming through! move your ass!
One long continuous blow till the traffic starts moving - My ass is on fire/ I wanna PEE!

P.S. - The best bumper sticker I have seen - "Honk if you are constipated"

The Sickness

The 8 and 10 year olds are sobbing...
Even the wind touching their burnt skin is painful.
Who is going to console them every day of their lives...
The lives that will now be devoid of a father.

The white coats are stained with blood...
This time it is their own.
The disinfectants are stronger today...
Still not strong enough to wipe out the scars.

Another breaking news flashes on the screen...
Another live bomb has been diffused.
My own indifference and helplessness is sickening...
Then you just switch the channel and they become another statistic.

Bangalore...Ahmadabad...I just don't know what to say...I am sorry.

Heaven or hell?

Standing there all alone. The gentle waves of water brushing your knees. The distant lights over the water reminding you of lost souls. The drops of rain, dripping from your body do not bother you anymore. You are beyond the point of return. The “city-taxi” behind you honks, wakes you up and you drive on…


P.S. - yup it rained in Bangalore yesterday and yes my office is on Hosur road.

Complete workout

Living in Bangalore? Want to go swimming but the pool is too crowded? worry not...move to Bannerghatta Rd...Some ppl from office went to the IPL game yesterday. They had to cross the bannerghatta rd though...one small problem...it rained yesterday...well they hitched a ride with a truck driver and got to the match in time..thanks for asking