Tuesday, March 24, 2009

The Trafficker

Everybody knows we Bangaloreans NEED traffic cops to maintain a semblance of sanity on the roads. To avoid jams a lot the traffic has moved to the various by lanes that litter Bangalore. I use one such "cross" road everyday. The traffic used to be BAD. Then one day lo and behold our prayers were answered. An old gentleman was standing there at 7:30 a.m. directing traffic. Brilliant! there IS a god. Now however, I guess that guy was just bored and wanted to see how many fools will follow him. I don't think he is the real deal...well here is why..

1) He wears a weird ensemble of clothes. I am no fashion critic but I haven't seen a cop wear stuff he comes up with...A jacket with a monkey cap and a muffler....with shorts that would put gymnasts to shame.

2) When he really gets pissed, he just holds up traffic because he can, continuously blowing his whistle at an unseen bullock cart that may cross us at any instant..at the speed of well cows..

3) Then there are moments when his arms are going around like a windmill and everybody is wondering who the hell is supposed to stop and who can go ahead...needless to say nobody stops...

4) He sometimes talks to Cows, AND gives them preference over pedestrians.

But I am still glad he is there coz every once in a while a new sucker shows up and stops at our "Cop's" command and you have a smile on your face as you drive past that guy!

Sunday, March 22, 2009

week in, week out

IPL going out of India and "experts" calling BCCI and IPL unpatriotic and hounding for money...no shit Sherlock! it IS about money it is business...if the "emerging superpower" can't multitask and conduct two events (the elections and the IPL) at the same time then they don't have a right to ask any one bring their money to India and earn only when the bespectacled home minister allows them? nice try...

Barkha Dutt is getting on my nerves now....I guess it is just the media...What the hell is their problem if Jade Goody made money out of her own death? she wanted to make money for her sons...none of us have any business judging her do we? Then their is the contention of the media that they are looked at as a confessional...OK here is the deal a guy is lying dead on the road...his wife wailing her eyes out besides him...the "journalist" asking her how she feels...between sobs she says she is shattered....BREAKING NEWS - THE LADY IS SAD! It is pretty simple actually...the program is on air...if you don't wanna watch...switch the blood channel...

Between news of rapist fathers and hounding media I just feel like crawling back under the blanket and just going to sleep...life after all is just another balaji telefilm soap...you can catchup irrespective of when you wakeup.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Doggone Rant

Now that the euphoria has subsided, here is my take on the slumdog saga....

Don't you think celebrating an award that treats all languages except English as foreign language is too much?

It is not an Indian Movie, it is a movie about India...so stop pretending an Indian movie won an Oscar.

A.R. Rahman and Pukuty winning are indeed a matter of Joy.

I did not like the song Jai Ho...

Slumdog wasn't the best movie of the year.

The slum kids won't be rescued, their lives won't change for the better!


For people who criticized the movie for being poverty porn...stop taking yourself so seriously...it is just a film.

For people who said that poverty wasn't shown properly (Heard this from an "expert" on Times Now)...well shut the fuck up...you can't even live in Mumbai without the damn AC.

Mr. Big B - Mumbai indeed has slums.

To the media that was so hell bent upon redeeming the lives of the slum kids, PLEASE contribute to their cause rather than have a talk show on how much the should have been paid.

For those who sued Anil Kapoor for being in a movie called Slumdog...should you rather be "helping" the people you claim to saviors of?

All of us feel are glad that we are not in the place of the families in the slums so stop being politically correct and admit it...you thing I hope no one lives in slums but I'd rather it is you than me!

BTW Remember 26/11?? U don't? Don't feel guilty, you'll forget these kids too...all we can ask for is consistency nai??

The perfect song for mumbai...

Tuesday, March 10, 2009


I finally took the weekend off. Well I got the weekend off from college, took Friday off from work and headed north. The plan was to head to Kesroli. The route from Delhi to the hotel in Kesroli is littered with small villages. Remember that essay in school about your village? When you didn't know shit about fields and tube wells but you wrote 300 words about it? Yeah, those villages.

There has been an often repeated phrase of two Indias. I saw the other India first hand. It is weird when you can't relate to what is around you while you are convinced this still is your own country. I have been in Bangalore for most of my adult life and I love it here. I felt alienated staring at women in colorful clothes covering them from head to toe. Small kids running bare foot on concrete while you can't bear the heat in your air conditioned car. Camels pulling men in dhotis, the men holding on to laths like they held their pride and honor!!

A small feat of asking for directions will get you a whole gamut reactions when they hear you say Kesroli

Kesroli? Arre raja, Kesroli kahan hai yaahan? OHO! Kaaisroli jana hai aapko? agle bypass pe left le lena.
Well they couldn't understand my accent!! The bypass to your astonishment is barely big enough to fit 2 small cars!! You can imagine how alienated your grand parents or uncles feel watching surf the net...

"Beta, office ke liye practice kar raha hai?"

"Err, haanji..."

This was as bad for me.

The sad part is when foreigners come here they are here to experience a new culture. I wasn't ready to "experience" India. I grew up thinking I am Indian, now I am not sure where I belong.