Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Trafficking Bangalore

Driving here is like playing a video game in suspended animation. There are so many things that drive me up the wall. Thankfully, the iPod keeps me calm. This post is dedicated to the various specimens found here.

Lets start with the pedestrians. I seriously feel dogs are better at crossing roads than some of these guys. No seriously, I don't mean it as a derogatory term. Dogs are better. For that matter cows are better too. Why you ask? When dogs cross the road they do ONE thing..cross the road. No cell phone, no chatting...when we humans do it is like we own this patch of land covered by my airspace! Now if you honk politely the dog will run to either side of the road, but the pedestrians? Nah, that will be too simple won't it. They will first freeze in the middle of the road. As you speed up to pass them they will take on step closer to you so that you slow down AND they will freeze again. I seriously want to get down from the bike and help them cross the road! BAH! BTW the cows are better as they don't cross the road at all. They just stand there and PEE!

Now the two wheelers. The sole reason for the chaos on Bangalore roads (I'm one of them). As soon as the traffic comes to a stand still we become like water. Every nook and cranny will be filled up by one of us. If the road doesn't have a divider we will flow into the wrong lane too AND THEN pick a fight with the guy coming the right way! The sole reason to own a two wheeler in Bangalore is to live for the moment between red lights, specially now that most of the traffic lights have a countdown timer! That is one moment when even Rossi will be put to shame by what we can do with our Scootys and TVS Champs!

The Big people, read car wallahs. The most jealous people ever. They usually drive in formation. Slow enough for you to tear your hair from your helmet (Ha ha err sorry), but the space between them is just enough for that dog to cross the road but not for you to overtake them. YOU ARE SCREWING UP MY RACE!! but noooooo the oldies just don't get it! Why jealous you ask? well when they bought the care they did not realise that even a cycle wallah can easily overtake them in Bangalore. So now they just want you to follow them!

BTW we have our own language too....Honking..

1 short burst - be careful you are backing into my front tyre
2 short bursts - Coming through! move your ass!
One long continuous blow till the traffic starts moving - My ass is on fire/ I wanna PEE!

P.S. - The best bumper sticker I have seen - "Honk if you are constipated"


manuscrypts said...

"horny, ok please" ? :)

Anonymous said...

manuscrypts referred the post, I can so relate to it and I've to say it is hilarious...
loved the bit where you described the horn bursts :)

Cynic in Wonderland said...

..and of course the verbal accompaniment to the honks? (#&(@(#* and #*(@(@( and (((((( and %@))#)?

Meenakshi said...

he he..
loved the last part .. ;)

S said...

YEAHahahaa!! :D
no wonder you get startled sitting in the car everytime someones honks from behind!! LOL
cool post!