The great indian tamasha revisited

Had gone to attend another wedding last weekend in Delhi. Well I am 27, single (happily) and HATE crowds. As is customary and polite I ended up meeting with all my "relatives". well before I get to what went on there, the Delhi mornings are something I just need to get out of my system.

The flight being delayed by the mandatory hour, reaching Delhi at 2 a.m. you want to sleep the whole day. Around 6:30 a.m. you hear a crow around you window...aah I love the nature...you fall asleep again....6:35 RAJUUUUUUUU...ja ke doodh le ke aaa (Raju go and get some milk)...nope I'm not raju...he is the neighbor's son....I haven't been able to figure out his name in 20 years...maybe coz I never asked....you can hear yourself snoring. Then AAAAAAAAKHHHHHHHTHUUUUUU...snort SNOOOOOOOOOOOOORTTTTT....BETA GEEZER on kar de.....AAAAAAAAAAAAKKHH THUU....that was the OTHER neighbour brushing his dentures to get ready for the Indo-Pak cricket match. And then the Crow found out that jumping on the metal bolt of the door makes this hediously irritating sound like that of fingernails on a chalk board...and you are wide awake....

So after a refreshing 5 hour sleep you are ready for the show tonight!!

I have never been the best at anything in my family in terms of the money I earn...the way I look ...my marks in school and college and I like it that way. Anyhooo, to everyone's surprise (except from somebody in IT who knows how common it is) and my biggest mistake to date, I was in the US for about 4 months. So, with me trying to mingle with my relatives the question that is the answer to the world's problem of global warming comes up.

Aunty, uncle, raju, bubbly: BETAAAAA TU KAB LAGA RAHA HAI RAUNAK AB???(when are you getting screwed err sorry married)

Me: Ji aunty aapko bina bataye kaise...

Them: Arre tune koi dhundi nai abhi tak?? aaj kal to khud ki choice chalti hai!!

Me: Trying to smile.

Them: Tujhe to kafi time ho gaya na is company main??? kitna mil jata hai??

Me: err, ummm.....he he

Them: Meri beti, beta, nawasi, sachin tendulkar, rajnikant ka to 8 ka package hai.

Me: ( Wishing I had my i pod) kaafi acha hai "package"

Them: Haan, US main kitne milte the?? office kaise jata tha?? wahan to kafi mehnga hoga na?? US se kya le ke aaya???

Me: Still smiling, eyes squinting as chintu , the offspring of a distant cousin is figuring out that the sauce with his snacks tastes better on my trousers.

And then you repeat this with your cousins whose actual name is not known to you....only their nick name by the way of their locations....prasad nagar wale bhaiya, saket wali aunty....sadar wali chachi...and then you wish for the crow to come back and play on the door handle.....