Thursday, December 14, 2006

The great indian tamasha - 2

Continued from here:

So you think you have survived? Hope to get up as late as possible the next day?? Hope you can watch the Arsenal Vs Chelsea football match. Well you are pretty optimistic. You have been assigned a task by the overwhelmed family of the bride. Take your pick.

1) The 6 A.M. recieving party at the railway station: Well "recieving party" works two ways. The obvious one is you get to be the sheaperd to all the relatives of the groom who will be gracing you with their presence. Also, you are the designated telephone (a mobile one too) operator. How you ask? well the driver of the official bus is not a mobile user (Mr Ambani is going to provide him with a free reliance set soon). So you need to convey the status of search party 2 to him periodically so that he can stay at his current location till.... well till the bus is full (I couldn't figure out the relation either).....The probability of the only train being late that day is directly proportional to your impatince.

2) The recieving party at the hotel: You gotta be at the hotel where the "BAKRA" and relatives will be put up. You need to well, show them to their rooms and help them get comfortable for whell about 12 Hours of their stay in Delhi, of which 8 will be spent in the Loo, 3 eating and the solitary hour sleeping. Incidently, the 1 hour of sleep will coincide with the actual marriage taking place.

3) Chaperone: Well the Bride to be has to look the best she can be, so you are the designated driver to go where no man has gone before.....well atleast you haven't....her beauty parlour.

Get ready dude, you will miss all the fun...and the fun is to wait for every other lady you will be escorting to the crime scene a.k.a "The Pandal". This can be described as a temporary bomb shelter with ample arangements of stuffing your self accompanied by lots of people in uncomfortable dressed clothes who can recognize you but for the saving grace of your facial hair.(Thank god for small miracles)

The Annoyance quotient of the occasion grows exponentially with the volume of the "D.J's" Remix of all Himesh reshamiah songs. Now pick a spot diagonally opposite to the make shift dance floor or else you will have to acompany one of the "Ladies" who couldn't sing yesterday and cant speak today not being able to walk tommorow. The only problem being the group of Shenai maestros who blow their talent directly into your brain.

Once the insatiable appetite of the guests is somewhat curbed and the have had their 15 seconds of fame. A still photo with the pair whose day this is and a small part in the video reel too. They mysteriously disappear. Note that the marriage hasn't yet started, The event for which they had supposedly come there. The pair is fed for they will need all their energy for the Secomd innings.

The Pandit (priest) is revising his performace. This somehow makes you uncomfortable..WHY??
well either he doesn't know his you will have to be there for a LOONG time, or he does know what to do and well then you will have to be there for a LOONG time.

Time 1 A.M.
Temp 5 Deg C

The Grooms shoes have been promptly hidden by the bride's sister.(behind him both the sister and teh shoes.) The pandit is being widely ignored by everybody except for the one gentelman who has doubts about what the ritual is. This guy is inturn being ignored by teh pandit. The one irritating uncle/cousin you have who is always ignored, has got his chance to show you his new ceell phone and plays all the ringtones in his cell at full volume asking you after each is done "NICE NA??"

Time 3 A.M.
Temp 4 Deg C

The "Ladies" are negotiating the cash they can get for "stealing" the shoes. You are just staring into oblivion waiting for somebody to pay the pandit so that he stops explaining the nuances of Karma and Dharma with the background tone of PAPPU MOBILE uncle.

Time 5 A.M.
Temp 4.125 Deg C

After catching the rice crispies thrown by the bride (for some inexplicable reason) as she exits
the crime scene you can see your somwhere on the horizon. As you start rejoicing. Someone calls your name. You are supposed to drop the bride to her new home.... well atleast you will get some sleep in about half an hour.....but the Mobile less driver is MIA and you need to find him.....


surbhi said...

OMGAAWWDDD!!!! u went to the BEAUTY PARLOUR?????!!! hahahha :D
i have made a note of this...this is good ammo!!! ;)

Epiphany said...

Noooooooo....I din't, all this did happen, but all of it not to ME!! thank god!

Smart-Alecky said...

Like always, the psychologist said, narrating a story as happened to a friend is one way of narrating your own story!!!!

Feeling Good ??