....or so I thot. I tend to keep my phone switched off so that I can be "unreachable" when I want to. Anyway, I made the mistake of keeping my phone switched on around Christmas time as I was at home and playing snakes (Hi Score: 28,76,095) .
I get this call from a mobile. I usually do not pick up when somebody calls from a land line to avoid explaining to them why I do not need a loan. So I pick up the call and this happens
Me: Yullo
Her: Saar, your number has been picked for the Diwali bonanza saar! (some kid crying in the background)
Me: Uh huh (I WON!! but I never entered any form I WON!! Diwali bonanza in December? may be they are running late OH SHUT UP I WON!!!)
Her: You can come and pick up your gift
Me: When?
Her: Saar, are you married?
Me: err...no (man this was fast....I must sound REALLY sexy (only) on the phone)
Her: Well do you stay with your parents?
Me: (slightly annoyed) No but I can get there on my own
Her: No No...Saar, actually we give the gifts only to couples
Me: HUH?
Her: Do you know ANY couples? Sisters, Brothers...
Me: (WHAT THE...) No.....
Her: Ok SAAR, please hold...
Me: OK then I'm not interested....( On hold...listening to some shitty Kenny G tune that plays in all the elevators and Indian Airlines flights )
Her: (after keeping me on hold for 2 min)
Me: Listen, I'm not interested!! CLICK! (I would've slammed the receiver but these mobiles have been designed for a telemarketer free world you see)
I collapse in my bed after this intense workout, thinking I think I need a loan to buy something I neither need nor want. THEY HAVE SUCCEEDED!!
Friday, December 29, 2006
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Changes
Haven't been regular on the blog lately.
That is bcoz I have added 3 new blogs for Music, Movies and Books.
If you are looking for any reviews or recoz you can look at one of these...the links are available under the Reviews and Recoz tab on the side bar...lemme know what you think.
There are very few posts on them right now but will try to keep e updated as regularly as possible.
This blog will be basically used for my "thots". :)
That is bcoz I have added 3 new blogs for Music, Movies and Books.
If you are looking for any reviews or recoz you can look at one of these...the links are available under the Reviews and Recoz tab on the side bar...lemme know what you think.
There are very few posts on them right now but will try to keep e updated as regularly as possible.
This blog will be basically used for my "thots". :)
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Interpreting Hitler
As understood from Der Untergand....my interpretation.
- Compassion is unnatural, survival of the fittest.
- Philip.K.Dick's The world Jones made => Hitler was a Precog
Friday, December 22, 2006
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Cubicle ke us paar - Ek dard bhari prem katha
Cast:
Apna Hero - K.V.R.M chatopadhyay (Dad was from UP so southindian mom wanted some credit in the name her Dad's, village's, her best friend's and her name make up K.V.R.M) Pyar se known as chat
Apni Laila(well kind of) - Simran ghosh (All the good things about chandigarh and bengal ;)) Sim
Direction - jahan google le jaye
Script - ha ha good one!
ACTION!
Chat has been workin in this company for 3 months and 13 days. After 3.5 job switches (0.5 for the intra company change). Our experienced Hero is shocked and ashamed of the sex ratio of his team. "Chi yaar, EK ladki nai apni team main" he quibbles to his sutta partners. Will take care of it in the next recruitment cycle.
If it was up to chat, the company would hav recruited women from IIFT for creating Dot NET applications, but his HR is a lady so she doesn't understand what such a recruit will do to the team productivity.
Finaly, he got his chance to go recruit hunting to one of Jamshedpur's engineering colleges. (Calcutta main strike thi so the other college was closed ;)) Another HR blunder - the interview panel needed 2 people and he was stuck with a senior tech consultant WHO WAS A LADY (GHOR ANYAAY BHAGWAAN!) She was somehow hung upon teh candidate's technical capabilities. Arre main sikha dunga na thought chat. Finaly a compromise was reached - Simran Ghosh.
After the initial team lunch, paid for by all the other team members (yup guys) to show their eternal gratitute to Chat. Chat who used to amble into office at 11:00 am usually, but since Sim was an early morning person (who liked Bangalore ki coffee) Chat sacrificed hi sleep to get in early. At about 15 minutes past 9:30 a.m. he would stand next to her cubicle, diagonally opposite to his. Somehow she was always talking on the phone when he got there. "Must be talkin to her mom" he thought. He was always proud of the fact that she never said no to him, she didn't wana miss the oppertunity of free coffee service. Also, there was nobody else in at such an early hour.
Well after about 3months and 22 days of coffe service ( the shouts of KAAAAAAAAPPPII - 2 missing) he got the dreaded mail, with scanned attachments. He couldn't read it, he didn't have to. The last statement said it all "Please consider this our personal invitation". "Why ME god??" thought Chat. She was the one for me!! He obviously didn't attend the wedding, he had to meet the deadline for the next release, 10 months after her wedding day.
She returned after her one month break. Due to some inexplicable reason chat had started coming in late to the office. And then his mail "Thanks for all your support in building my carrer (for 7 months), I am pursuing my career interest elsewhere". The elsewhere was in a company with a better hit rate with the LADIES and good looking HRs but his reason for a swith was better career prospects OBVIOUSLY.
Well, Chat soon got married to Mandira Singh, A bengali girl settled in Delhi..JACKPOT.
Sim, lived happily ever after, She is a senior Tech consultant who often goes to conduct interviews. And the software industry braced for the next Sim-Chat pair!!
KAAAAAAAAAAAAPI KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPI
Apna Hero - K.V.R.M chatopadhyay (Dad was from UP so southindian mom wanted some credit in the name her Dad's, village's, her best friend's and her name make up K.V.R.M) Pyar se known as chat
Apni Laila(well kind of) - Simran ghosh (All the good things about chandigarh and bengal ;)) Sim
Direction - jahan google le jaye
Script - ha ha good one!
ACTION!
Chat has been workin in this company for 3 months and 13 days. After 3.5 job switches (0.5 for the intra company change). Our experienced Hero is shocked and ashamed of the sex ratio of his team. "Chi yaar, EK ladki nai apni team main" he quibbles to his sutta partners. Will take care of it in the next recruitment cycle.
If it was up to chat, the company would hav recruited women from IIFT for creating Dot NET applications, but his HR is a lady so she doesn't understand what such a recruit will do to the team productivity.
Finaly, he got his chance to go recruit hunting to one of Jamshedpur's engineering colleges. (Calcutta main strike thi so the other college was closed ;)) Another HR blunder - the interview panel needed 2 people and he was stuck with a senior tech consultant WHO WAS A LADY (GHOR ANYAAY BHAGWAAN!) She was somehow hung upon teh candidate's technical capabilities. Arre main sikha dunga na thought chat. Finaly a compromise was reached - Simran Ghosh.
After the initial team lunch, paid for by all the other team members (yup guys) to show their eternal gratitute to Chat. Chat who used to amble into office at 11:00 am usually, but since Sim was an early morning person (who liked Bangalore ki coffee) Chat sacrificed hi sleep to get in early. At about 15 minutes past 9:30 a.m. he would stand next to her cubicle, diagonally opposite to his. Somehow she was always talking on the phone when he got there. "Must be talkin to her mom" he thought. He was always proud of the fact that she never said no to him, she didn't wana miss the oppertunity of free coffee service. Also, there was nobody else in at such an early hour.
Well after about 3months and 22 days of coffe service ( the shouts of KAAAAAAAAPPPII - 2 missing) he got the dreaded mail, with scanned attachments. He couldn't read it, he didn't have to. The last statement said it all "Please consider this our personal invitation". "Why ME god??" thought Chat. She was the one for me!! He obviously didn't attend the wedding, he had to meet the deadline for the next release, 10 months after her wedding day.
She returned after her one month break. Due to some inexplicable reason chat had started coming in late to the office. And then his mail "Thanks for all your support in building my carrer (for 7 months), I am pursuing my career interest elsewhere". The elsewhere was in a company with a better hit rate with the LADIES and good looking HRs but his reason for a swith was better career prospects OBVIOUSLY.
Well, Chat soon got married to Mandira Singh, A bengali girl settled in Delhi..JACKPOT.
Sim, lived happily ever after, She is a senior Tech consultant who often goes to conduct interviews. And the software industry braced for the next Sim-Chat pair!!
KAAAAAAAAAAAAPI KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPI
Thursday, December 14, 2006
The great indian tamasha - 2
Continued from here:
So you think you have survived? Hope to get up as late as possible the next day?? Hope you can watch the Arsenal Vs Chelsea football match. Well you are pretty optimistic. You have been assigned a task by the overwhelmed family of the bride. Take your pick.
1) The 6 A.M. recieving party at the railway station: Well "recieving party" works two ways. The obvious one is you get to be the sheaperd to all the relatives of the groom who will be gracing you with their presence. Also, you are the designated telephone (a mobile one too) operator. How you ask? well the driver of the official bus is not a mobile user (Mr Ambani is going to provide him with a free reliance set soon). So you need to convey the status of search party 2 to him periodically so that he can stay at his current location till.... well till the bus is full (I couldn't figure out the relation either).....The probability of the only train being late that day is directly proportional to your impatince.
2) The recieving party at the hotel: You gotta be at the hotel where the "BAKRA" and relatives will be put up. You need to well, show them to their rooms and help them get comfortable for whell about 12 Hours of their stay in Delhi, of which 8 will be spent in the Loo, 3 eating and the solitary hour sleeping. Incidently, the 1 hour of sleep will coincide with the actual marriage taking place.
3) Chaperone: Well the Bride to be has to look the best she can be, so you are the designated driver to go where no man has gone before.....well atleast you haven't....her beauty parlour.
Get ready dude, you will miss all the fun...and the fun is to wait for every other lady you will be escorting to the crime scene a.k.a "The Pandal". This can be described as a temporary bomb shelter with ample arangements of stuffing your self accompanied by lots of people in uncomfortable dressed clothes who can recognize you but for the saving grace of your facial hair.(Thank god for small miracles)
The Annoyance quotient of the occasion grows exponentially with the volume of the "D.J's" Remix of all Himesh reshamiah songs. Now pick a spot diagonally opposite to the make shift dance floor or else you will have to acompany one of the "Ladies" who couldn't sing yesterday and cant speak today not being able to walk tommorow. The only problem being the group of Shenai maestros who blow their talent directly into your brain.
Once the insatiable appetite of the guests is somewhat curbed and the have had their 15 seconds of fame. A still photo with the pair whose day this is and a small part in the video reel too. They mysteriously disappear. Note that the marriage hasn't yet started, The event for which they had supposedly come there. The pair is fed for they will need all their energy for the Secomd innings.
The Pandit (priest) is revising his performace. This somehow makes you uncomfortable..WHY??
well either he doesn't know his job....so you will have to be there for a LOONG time, or he does know what to do and well then you will have to be there for a LOONG time.
Time 1 A.M.
Temp 5 Deg C
Mood GET MY GUN!
The Grooms shoes have been promptly hidden by the bride's sister.(behind him both the sister and teh shoes.) The pandit is being widely ignored by everybody except for the one gentelman who has doubts about what the ritual is. This guy is inturn being ignored by teh pandit. The one irritating uncle/cousin you have who is always ignored, has got his chance to show you his new ceell phone and plays all the ringtones in his cell at full volume asking you after each is done "NICE NA??"
Time 3 A.M.
Temp 4 Deg C
Mood LOAD MY GUN!
The "Ladies" are negotiating the cash they can get for "stealing" the shoes. You are just staring into oblivion waiting for somebody to pay the pandit so that he stops explaining the nuances of Karma and Dharma with the background tone of PAPPU MOBILE uncle.
Time 5 A.M.
Temp 4.125 Deg C
Mood SHOOT ME!
After catching the rice crispies thrown by the bride (for some inexplicable reason) as she exits
the crime scene you can see your somwhere on the horizon. As you start rejoicing. Someone calls your name. You are supposed to drop the bride to her new home.... well atleast you will get some sleep in about half an hour.....but the Mobile less driver is MIA and you need to find him.....
So you think you have survived? Hope to get up as late as possible the next day?? Hope you can watch the Arsenal Vs Chelsea football match. Well you are pretty optimistic. You have been assigned a task by the overwhelmed family of the bride. Take your pick.
1) The 6 A.M. recieving party at the railway station: Well "recieving party" works two ways. The obvious one is you get to be the sheaperd to all the relatives of the groom who will be gracing you with their presence. Also, you are the designated telephone (a mobile one too) operator. How you ask? well the driver of the official bus is not a mobile user (Mr Ambani is going to provide him with a free reliance set soon). So you need to convey the status of search party 2 to him periodically so that he can stay at his current location till.... well till the bus is full (I couldn't figure out the relation either).....The probability of the only train being late that day is directly proportional to your impatince.
2) The recieving party at the hotel: You gotta be at the hotel where the "BAKRA" and relatives will be put up. You need to well, show them to their rooms and help them get comfortable for whell about 12 Hours of their stay in Delhi, of which 8 will be spent in the Loo, 3 eating and the solitary hour sleeping. Incidently, the 1 hour of sleep will coincide with the actual marriage taking place.
3) Chaperone: Well the Bride to be has to look the best she can be, so you are the designated driver to go where no man has gone before.....well atleast you haven't....her beauty parlour.
Get ready dude, you will miss all the fun...and the fun is to wait for every other lady you will be escorting to the crime scene a.k.a "The Pandal". This can be described as a temporary bomb shelter with ample arangements of stuffing your self accompanied by lots of people in uncomfortable dressed clothes who can recognize you but for the saving grace of your facial hair.(Thank god for small miracles)
The Annoyance quotient of the occasion grows exponentially with the volume of the "D.J's" Remix of all Himesh reshamiah songs. Now pick a spot diagonally opposite to the make shift dance floor or else you will have to acompany one of the "Ladies" who couldn't sing yesterday and cant speak today not being able to walk tommorow. The only problem being the group of Shenai maestros who blow their talent directly into your brain.
Once the insatiable appetite of the guests is somewhat curbed and the have had their 15 seconds of fame. A still photo with the pair whose day this is and a small part in the video reel too. They mysteriously disappear. Note that the marriage hasn't yet started, The event for which they had supposedly come there. The pair is fed for they will need all their energy for the Secomd innings.
The Pandit (priest) is revising his performace. This somehow makes you uncomfortable..WHY??
well either he doesn't know his job....so you will have to be there for a LOONG time, or he does know what to do and well then you will have to be there for a LOONG time.
Time 1 A.M.
Temp 5 Deg C
Mood GET MY GUN!
The Grooms shoes have been promptly hidden by the bride's sister.(behind him both the sister and teh shoes.) The pandit is being widely ignored by everybody except for the one gentelman who has doubts about what the ritual is. This guy is inturn being ignored by teh pandit. The one irritating uncle/cousin you have who is always ignored, has got his chance to show you his new ceell phone and plays all the ringtones in his cell at full volume asking you after each is done "NICE NA??"
Time 3 A.M.
Temp 4 Deg C
Mood LOAD MY GUN!
The "Ladies" are negotiating the cash they can get for "stealing" the shoes. You are just staring into oblivion waiting for somebody to pay the pandit so that he stops explaining the nuances of Karma and Dharma with the background tone of PAPPU MOBILE uncle.
Time 5 A.M.
Temp 4.125 Deg C
Mood SHOOT ME!
After catching the rice crispies thrown by the bride (for some inexplicable reason) as she exits
the crime scene you can see your somwhere on the horizon. As you start rejoicing. Someone calls your name. You are supposed to drop the bride to her new home.... well atleast you will get some sleep in about half an hour.....but the Mobile less driver is MIA and you need to find him.....
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
The Great Indian Tamasha - 1
If you are into bollywood movies then you obviously know about Hum Aapke Hain Kawn. My sis dragged me to watch that one. All my whining and protest were drowned out in the 14 or so songs looking for "The One" for Ms Dixit (NO NOT KEANU REEVES).
It is only fair that I cringe at the thought of attending any other event, reel or real life that makes me relive that traumatic experience (I'm scarred for life, nd it is my sis's fault). This weekend all my fears came back with a vengance!! That too in 3-d. This two part post will try to get you to sympathise with me and convince you not to invite me to the "happiest" (ha ha) day of your life.
Background: I'm a Bangalorean with the unfortunate coincidence of supposedly being a
Delhite. My cousin got married this weekend. I was pulled out of the self imposed premature retirement from my international career of attending social gatherings. CHALO DELHI!
The journey: Delhi was waiting for it's revenge, for the fact that I have been enjoying the great wheather of B'lore and hate cold. Any way after the mandatory delay the flight got us (me and dad) to New Delhi. Outside temp 12 Deg C. Got to the my aunt's place and colapsed on the bed....This was 2 a.m. Got up....did some things that were LONG overdue, got back home. Asked around...so what plans for the evening. The dreaded reply...LADIES SANGEET. NOOOOOOOOO
The EVENT:
Well if you are not familiar with this, lucky you. It involves the following.
Everybody is on the floor gathered around the floor ready to flex their vocal chords. One of your aunts on the floor with the "Dholak" The beat is the same as any Himesh Reshamiya song well remixed or not. Another aunt, sitting with her with a spoon (yup, a spoon), ready to pound the wood of the dholak to smithereens. Rest of the ladies (and hence the name) sit aroun clapping for the lack of any better thing to do, or the lack of instruments or both....not sure not to keen to find out either. The bride to be sitting on a chair somewhere in this mele, almost handicapped as her hands and leds are painted with some wierd orange pattern (coz of the Henna or mehndi).
So the guys, with ourImmaculate taste in music start to slowly slide towards the door can't stand up or you might be asked to move the mattress, get water or dance(HELL NO). As you escape the reign of terror, you reach the place where all the Men are sitting. Please note, there is a difference between Men and Guys...Men have given up any hope of escaping. Yes they are married. They get more exercise on this night because of some inexplicable reason, all kids start running around as soon as their Moms start "singing". The fathers wondering if when does the warranty for these things expire so that they can take em apart.
After about a couple of hours of pounding the dholak and trying to sync with the tape recorder (the guy on the tape doesn't know the lyrics you see) the end is near. The men have served their purpose by then finished as much food as possible, and fed the kids. Now feeding the women, well no comments. Everybody congratulates the host for the lovely food, arrangements, wheather, lights, air, life etc.
The journey back is great. Figure out the logistics of getting the people to fit in the vehicles that are available. And you wonder how the hell did they fit when they got here?? Well the thing is after 2 Hrs of singing all the ladies have an alterego that can(debateable) sing...so the number of people has doubled. However, how do you pry two women away who are discussing topics of national importance. Which saree should she wear, and what is the bride, her sister and their 4th cousin are gonna wear!!!
Then, the reviews start...the dholak was not tuned, the food was bad, the light wasn't enough, the water was too watery, the night was too dark. Now that most of the guys are deaf. The men have lost their power to hear anyhow, they are just the designated drivers.
Get home at 12ish. Go to sleep. live to fight another day....well the war has just started.
It is only fair that I cringe at the thought of attending any other event, reel or real life that makes me relive that traumatic experience (I'm scarred for life, nd it is my sis's fault). This weekend all my fears came back with a vengance!! That too in 3-d. This two part post will try to get you to sympathise with me and convince you not to invite me to the "happiest" (ha ha) day of your life.
Background: I'm a Bangalorean with the unfortunate coincidence of supposedly being a
Delhite. My cousin got married this weekend. I was pulled out of the self imposed premature retirement from my international career of attending social gatherings. CHALO DELHI!
The journey: Delhi was waiting for it's revenge, for the fact that I have been enjoying the great wheather of B'lore and hate cold. Any way after the mandatory delay the flight got us (me and dad) to New Delhi. Outside temp 12 Deg C. Got to the my aunt's place and colapsed on the bed....This was 2 a.m. Got up....did some things that were LONG overdue, got back home. Asked around...so what plans for the evening. The dreaded reply...LADIES SANGEET. NOOOOOOOOO
The EVENT:
Well if you are not familiar with this, lucky you. It involves the following.
Everybody is on the floor gathered around the floor ready to flex their vocal chords. One of your aunts on the floor with the "Dholak" The beat is the same as any Himesh Reshamiya song well remixed or not. Another aunt, sitting with her with a spoon (yup, a spoon), ready to pound the wood of the dholak to smithereens. Rest of the ladies (and hence the name) sit aroun clapping for the lack of any better thing to do, or the lack of instruments or both....not sure not to keen to find out either. The bride to be sitting on a chair somewhere in this mele, almost handicapped as her hands and leds are painted with some wierd orange pattern (coz of the Henna or mehndi).
So the guys, with ourImmaculate taste in music start to slowly slide towards the door can't stand up or you might be asked to move the mattress, get water or dance(HELL NO). As you escape the reign of terror, you reach the place where all the Men are sitting. Please note, there is a difference between Men and Guys...Men have given up any hope of escaping. Yes they are married. They get more exercise on this night because of some inexplicable reason, all kids start running around as soon as their Moms start "singing". The fathers wondering if when does the warranty for these things expire so that they can take em apart.
After about a couple of hours of pounding the dholak and trying to sync with the tape recorder (the guy on the tape doesn't know the lyrics you see) the end is near. The men have served their purpose by then finished as much food as possible, and fed the kids. Now feeding the women, well no comments. Everybody congratulates the host for the lovely food, arrangements, wheather, lights, air, life etc.
The journey back is great. Figure out the logistics of getting the people to fit in the vehicles that are available. And you wonder how the hell did they fit when they got here?? Well the thing is after 2 Hrs of singing all the ladies have an alterego that can(debateable) sing...so the number of people has doubled. However, how do you pry two women away who are discussing topics of national importance. Which saree should she wear, and what is the bride, her sister and their 4th cousin are gonna wear!!!
Then, the reviews start...the dholak was not tuned, the food was bad, the light wasn't enough, the water was too watery, the night was too dark. Now that most of the guys are deaf. The men have lost their power to hear anyhow, they are just the designated drivers.
Get home at 12ish. Go to sleep. live to fight another day....well the war has just started.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Memory leaks of the soul
IS THIS IT?? you ask your self....
The promised land...."Beta these are the crucial years, study well now and your life is made"
2 years later..."Just think how great your life would be if you get into IIT"
3 years later..."I've gotta know everything in George summers' and shakuntala devi's book...my APTITUDE will get me a job "
2 Years later...."Masters will help me get a better job"
Some time later..."Lets get a MBA, it'll get me a funky title and better cash"
And every night you sit in the dark, trying to figure out WTF? I'm missing something.
C'mon kiddo "you just need to share it with somebody to get it (errr PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IS IT??) find a decent girl and get married"
I know, misery loves company...
Then you stop "communicating"... At the dinner table completely wired to your phones, PDAs and laptops.....eating shit you don't wanna, but you can afford... you look at her and the conversation is done.... her day was good so was yours...read a fucking book, with the TV blarring some shitty remix....fuck around, coz you can...
"I'll tell you what you need, A REAL FAMILY"
OK, COME LETS REPRODUCE...
You pick up the fruits of HER labour, it is fun to be awake at 5 a.m. looking for the kid's silent mode option.
He's a pretty intelligent kid, just needs some motivation "Beta these are the crucial years, study well now and your life is made"
You still stay awake, realising IT was always within you. No longer though. All you needed to do was plug the leak when you found something was missing....all you need now is to figure out which adhesive to use...
The promised land...."Beta these are the crucial years, study well now and your life is made"
2 years later..."Just think how great your life would be if you get into IIT"
3 years later..."I've gotta know everything in George summers' and shakuntala devi's book...my APTITUDE will get me a job "
2 Years later...."Masters will help me get a better job"
Some time later..."Lets get a MBA, it'll get me a funky title and better cash"
And every night you sit in the dark, trying to figure out WTF? I'm missing something.
C'mon kiddo "you just need to share it with somebody to get it (errr PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IS IT??) find a decent girl and get married"
I know, misery loves company...
Then you stop "communicating"... At the dinner table completely wired to your phones, PDAs and laptops.....eating shit you don't wanna, but you can afford... you look at her and the conversation is done.... her day was good so was yours...read a fucking book, with the TV blarring some shitty remix....fuck around, coz you can...
"I'll tell you what you need, A REAL FAMILY"
OK, COME LETS REPRODUCE...
You pick up the fruits of HER labour, it is fun to be awake at 5 a.m. looking for the kid's silent mode option.
He's a pretty intelligent kid, just needs some motivation "Beta these are the crucial years, study well now and your life is made"
You still stay awake, realising IT was always within you. No longer though. All you needed to do was plug the leak when you found something was missing....all you need now is to figure out which adhesive to use...
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Friday, November 24, 2006
Close encounters of the Nth kind
This one needs a bit of details about me. I HATE talking to people. Especially if I don't know you. Now living in one of the many apartment complexes in Bangalore, you invariably end up nodding your head at someone you don't know. I'm ok with that. But once they start asking me about where I work and what deo I use it is a problem
Another thing, most of my waking hours my i-pod is plugged into my ears.
Now 2 days ago, after parking my bike I was heading towards my house. At the gate of my building(well not technically mine, but you get the point) I spot this guy waiting for the Elevator. SHIT!! Why you ask? Well, confined in a small space with a stranger in your face, the question invariably arises....WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? TELL ME YOUR DEEPEST DARKEST SECRETS...
So, I walk as slow as humanly possible hoping for my sake that the guy is lucky enough to get the elevator ASAP. Well god has a sadistic sense of humor. I reach the elevator, the guy still there. The doors slide open. I try to ignore him, continue to stare at the notice board. hoping he'll go without a fight but NO. Excuse me he says...I look up at him, he is holding the elevator for me...well 10 floors in the elevator won't take too much time, most probably he'll get off before me (Probability (1 - 3/14)). BAD CALL
I punch 10, he punches 12...I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS ONE GOD!! Well so far so good, he hasn't spoken, now only if the elevator starts moving. Gravity acting on our feet, the rise to my cocoon begins.
I-POD? he asks....Hmmm may be he is a fellow I-PODOPHILE. I nod. (The morning, I don't know you and don't care nod).
And then the dreaded question (which NO body has ever had the sense to ask me, I wonder why..) How come you are so FAIR?
Errr...lets see...my options
1) Am a follower of M.J.
2) Fair and Handsome - Fairness cream for Men
3) May be coz I bleach myself instead of taking a bath..
4) Used to be green, but all the chlorophyll had to be removed as I got sunburnt
Any way I chickend out....."Well I'm not from Bangalore"(I din't wanna tell him I was born and raised here, just not a kanadiga....a banglorean tho'...fine print)
This thankfully happened between floors 8-9. So the escape was near...
Anyway, I said c ya. Could hear him say something about "That explains it"
saved myself from telling him all about how my ancestors, being Apes(at one point of time), came to stay in Bangalore.
I unlock the door thinking this will be fun to put on the blog.....
Another thing, most of my waking hours my i-pod is plugged into my ears.
Now 2 days ago, after parking my bike I was heading towards my house. At the gate of my building(well not technically mine, but you get the point) I spot this guy waiting for the Elevator. SHIT!! Why you ask? Well, confined in a small space with a stranger in your face, the question invariably arises....WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? TELL ME YOUR DEEPEST DARKEST SECRETS...
So, I walk as slow as humanly possible hoping for my sake that the guy is lucky enough to get the elevator ASAP. Well god has a sadistic sense of humor. I reach the elevator, the guy still there. The doors slide open. I try to ignore him, continue to stare at the notice board. hoping he'll go without a fight but NO. Excuse me he says...I look up at him, he is holding the elevator for me...well 10 floors in the elevator won't take too much time, most probably he'll get off before me (Probability (1 - 3/14)). BAD CALL
I punch 10, he punches 12...I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS ONE GOD!! Well so far so good, he hasn't spoken, now only if the elevator starts moving. Gravity acting on our feet, the rise to my cocoon begins.
I-POD? he asks....Hmmm may be he is a fellow I-PODOPHILE. I nod. (The morning, I don't know you and don't care nod).
And then the dreaded question (which NO body has ever had the sense to ask me, I wonder why..) How come you are so FAIR?
Errr...lets see...my options
1) Am a follower of M.J.
2) Fair and Handsome - Fairness cream for Men
3) May be coz I bleach myself instead of taking a bath..
4) Used to be green, but all the chlorophyll had to be removed as I got sunburnt
Any way I chickend out....."Well I'm not from Bangalore"(I din't wanna tell him I was born and raised here, just not a kanadiga....a banglorean tho'...fine print)
This thankfully happened between floors 8-9. So the escape was near...
Anyway, I said c ya. Could hear him say something about "That explains it"
saved myself from telling him all about how my ancestors, being Apes(at one point of time), came to stay in Bangalore.
I unlock the door thinking this will be fun to put on the blog.....
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Who am I?
He gave himself the title of
His Excellency President for Life, Field Marshal Al Hadji Doctor ____, VC, DSO, MC, Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Sea, and Conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in General and ____ in Particular.
A movie based on his life was recently released. The Movie stars Forest Whitaker.
Mira Nair's Mississippi Masala has references to him.
He died in Saudi Arabia in 2003.
P.S. : The ____ are to make this Q atleast a bit challenging. ;)
His Excellency President for Life, Field Marshal Al Hadji Doctor ____, VC, DSO, MC, Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Sea, and Conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in General and ____ in Particular.
A movie based on his life was recently released. The Movie stars Forest Whitaker.
Mira Nair's Mississippi Masala has references to him.
He died in Saudi Arabia in 2003.
P.S. : The ____ are to make this Q atleast a bit challenging. ;)
Friday, November 17, 2006
Forwarding Therapy
Easy way of posting something, I know, but this one is worth it...Nice...
"
This is a short story written by Dr Kishore Shah....
he is a gynecologist in Pune and a very gifted writer....enjoy this
extremely funny story
********************************************************** Woh Kaan thi!
My wife is an ENT Surgeon while as I am a Gynaecologist.
(In fact, we had nearly called our hospital The 'Holey' Family
hospital but are now waiting for our son to be a Proctologist and
marry an urologist.) This can lead to some complications, as I
recently learned to my anguish. A General Practitioner phoned me up
and told me that she as sending a patient of hers for an abortion.
Unknown to me, she had also referred a female with earwax for removal
of the wax to my wife.
I duly informed the receptionist to send the patient right in as she
was expected (and expecting!) As Murphy lays down the laws of our
hospital, it was but natural that the patient who wanted the wax
removed from her ear, landed up with me. This is the conversation that
I had with the patient.
"Please come in. Be seated." I said with a big smile. I always have a
big smile, when I am going to earn some money. The patient gave a
feeble smile and sat hesitantly on the edge of the chair. "Relax."
"Doctor, will this hurt a lot?"
"Not at all."
The patient relaxed visibly. "You know something, Doctor, we tried
removing it at home, but failed."
I was shocked. "Thank God. Trying this at home can cause serious
complications."
"I first tried to remove it by jumping up and down, but it just
wouldn't budge."
I smiled and said, "If it were that easy, who would need doctors?"
She gave a cute smile and said, "Yeah! My neighbour tried to remove it
with his finger, but the hole is so small that he used a hair pin."
"Oh my God!"
"Yes! My mother even tried a matchstick."
My blood pressure was shooting skywards. I just sputtered without
uttering a word.
"Tell me, doctor, how do I avoid getting this dirt inside me?"
I knew that it was an unwanted pregnancy, but calling it dirt was too
much. I replied a bit angrily, "There are tablets which can prevent
this happening. Or you could use protection at night."
Now it was the patient's turn to be confused, "You mean to say that it
happens only at night?"
I saw her point. "No! No! I meant anytime of the day, whenever you are
in the mood, you should use protection."
She was even more confused, "It depends on my moods?"
Again I saw her point. "My mistake. You need not be in any sort of
mood. It just happens."
"My neighbour advised me to go to one of those chaps who sit by the roadside."
"You mean that pin man?"
"Yeah!"
This neighbour of hers seemed to be a very dangerous man. Besides
using pins, he was sending her to such quacks. The only safety he knew
was among the pins. "You were wise not to heed his advice."
"But I tried his other advice. He told me to put warm oil inside and
wait. However, that also did not work."
This was getting more and more bizarre. Her neighbour deserved to be
locked up either in a padded cell or a barred one.
"But have you taken your husband's permission?"
Now the patient looked confused. "Do I have to take my husband's
permission? Because if you need his sign, he is working in Dubai . We
were not able to meet for the last one year."
It was my turn to be shocked. I gave a sly smirk. It was one of
'those' cases. The pin-wielding neighbour seemed to me the usual
suspect. I reassured her. "No! No! The husband's sign is not at all
needed."
"However, I did inform him on phone."
Her husband seemed to me a very broad-minded fellow. I didn't know
whether to congratulate her or to commiserate with her. So I hastily
turned to other aspects. " Its good that you came a bit early."
"Actually I wanted to come early in the morning, but I had some other work."
"Oh! I did not mean early today. I meant that if you had delayed this
removal, it would have started moving. Then it would have developed a
heartbeat."
The patient was staring at me wide eyed as if watching a horror movie.
Looking at her face, I decided that she was not fit to listen to the
grotesque details. I decided to relieve her a bit. I said, "You will
bleed a bit, but only for a few days."
By now, the poor patient was trembling, "how-H-How much bleeding?"
"Oh, only slightly more than your menstrual period, and it will
continue only for a week or so."
By now the patient was clutching her hair in her fingers and staring
at me wide-eyed. I asked her soothingly, "Why don't you lie down on
the examination table? Remove your underclothes and relax."
This was the final straw. She didn't even wish me goodbye. I saw just
a blur of motion leaving my consulting room at top speed.
Kishore Shah 1974
"
"
This is a short story written by Dr Kishore Shah....
he is a gynecologist in Pune and a very gifted writer....enjoy this
extremely funny story
********************************************************** Woh Kaan thi!
My wife is an ENT Surgeon while as I am a Gynaecologist.
(In fact, we had nearly called our hospital The 'Holey' Family
hospital but are now waiting for our son to be a Proctologist and
marry an urologist.) This can lead to some complications, as I
recently learned to my anguish. A General Practitioner phoned me up
and told me that she as sending a patient of hers for an abortion.
Unknown to me, she had also referred a female with earwax for removal
of the wax to my wife.
I duly informed the receptionist to send the patient right in as she
was expected (and expecting!) As Murphy lays down the laws of our
hospital, it was but natural that the patient who wanted the wax
removed from her ear, landed up with me. This is the conversation that
I had with the patient.
"Please come in. Be seated." I said with a big smile. I always have a
big smile, when I am going to earn some money. The patient gave a
feeble smile and sat hesitantly on the edge of the chair. "Relax."
"Doctor, will this hurt a lot?"
"Not at all."
The patient relaxed visibly. "You know something, Doctor, we tried
removing it at home, but failed."
I was shocked. "Thank God. Trying this at home can cause serious
complications."
"I first tried to remove it by jumping up and down, but it just
wouldn't budge."
I smiled and said, "If it were that easy, who would need doctors?"
She gave a cute smile and said, "Yeah! My neighbour tried to remove it
with his finger, but the hole is so small that he used a hair pin."
"Oh my God!"
"Yes! My mother even tried a matchstick."
My blood pressure was shooting skywards. I just sputtered without
uttering a word.
"Tell me, doctor, how do I avoid getting this dirt inside me?"
I knew that it was an unwanted pregnancy, but calling it dirt was too
much. I replied a bit angrily, "There are tablets which can prevent
this happening. Or you could use protection at night."
Now it was the patient's turn to be confused, "You mean to say that it
happens only at night?"
I saw her point. "No! No! I meant anytime of the day, whenever you are
in the mood, you should use protection."
She was even more confused, "It depends on my moods?"
Again I saw her point. "My mistake. You need not be in any sort of
mood. It just happens."
"My neighbour advised me to go to one of those chaps who sit by the roadside."
"You mean that pin man?"
"Yeah!"
This neighbour of hers seemed to be a very dangerous man. Besides
using pins, he was sending her to such quacks. The only safety he knew
was among the pins. "You were wise not to heed his advice."
"But I tried his other advice. He told me to put warm oil inside and
wait. However, that also did not work."
This was getting more and more bizarre. Her neighbour deserved to be
locked up either in a padded cell or a barred one.
"But have you taken your husband's permission?"
Now the patient looked confused. "Do I have to take my husband's
permission? Because if you need his sign, he is working in Dubai . We
were not able to meet for the last one year."
It was my turn to be shocked. I gave a sly smirk. It was one of
'those' cases. The pin-wielding neighbour seemed to me the usual
suspect. I reassured her. "No! No! The husband's sign is not at all
needed."
"However, I did inform him on phone."
Her husband seemed to me a very broad-minded fellow. I didn't know
whether to congratulate her or to commiserate with her. So I hastily
turned to other aspects. " Its good that you came a bit early."
"Actually I wanted to come early in the morning, but I had some other work."
"Oh! I did not mean early today. I meant that if you had delayed this
removal, it would have started moving. Then it would have developed a
heartbeat."
The patient was staring at me wide eyed as if watching a horror movie.
Looking at her face, I decided that she was not fit to listen to the
grotesque details. I decided to relieve her a bit. I said, "You will
bleed a bit, but only for a few days."
By now, the poor patient was trembling, "how-H-How much bleeding?"
"Oh, only slightly more than your menstrual period, and it will
continue only for a week or so."
By now the patient was clutching her hair in her fingers and staring
at me wide-eyed. I asked her soothingly, "Why don't you lie down on
the examination table? Remove your underclothes and relax."
This was the final straw. She didn't even wish me goodbye. I saw just
a blur of motion leaving my consulting room at top speed.
Kishore Shah 1974
"
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Fairy tale of hairy tailed Melon, the collie
Being really good with his paws Melon the collie tied one end of the hammok to the balcony railing.
The other end was tied aroung his neck as a noose.
He then jumped, to what he hoped would be his death, but the stupid people who lived in the flat below his master's wanted to "save" him. The whiplash broke his spine, but he was "rescued" before his life could be squeezed out.
His master KNEW Melon wanted to "live on" and so refused to put him to sleep. Melon continued his sorry existence in a dilapidated state. This was even worse than the boredom he jumped to escape from in the first place.
This is when Melon the collie muttered his ironicaly immortal words
"FUCK THE WORLD, WATCH TV AND EAT CHIPS"
The other end was tied aroung his neck as a noose.
He then jumped, to what he hoped would be his death, but the stupid people who lived in the flat below his master's wanted to "save" him. The whiplash broke his spine, but he was "rescued" before his life could be squeezed out.
His master KNEW Melon wanted to "live on" and so refused to put him to sleep. Melon continued his sorry existence in a dilapidated state. This was even worse than the boredom he jumped to escape from in the first place.
This is when Melon the collie muttered his ironicaly immortal words
"FUCK THE WORLD, WATCH TV AND EAT CHIPS"
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Fairy tale
The barrel of the gun in my mouth
BANG
Lived happily ever after....
well I was dead....
Hell 3 out of 4 ain't bad!
BANG
Lived happily ever after....
well I was dead....
Hell 3 out of 4 ain't bad!
Monday, October 30, 2006
Freedom
We the people on NDTV had this debate yesterday about the veil issue and Shabana Azmi's comments about it.
One thing every body kept repeating was....It is my CHOICE, and I have the freedom of choice.
Choice is something you make once you take a look at both sides of the argument.
I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't wear a skirt. Well I don't do these things coz I was brought up to think these were not right....well the skirt part was for guys....err ok not scottish guys....any way so when somebody is brought up looking at people around you doing things one way. You try doing it some other way.....THEN WHAT YOU DECIDE IS YOUR CHOICE. Following what everybody around you is doing is not a CHOICE.
Another argument was (m not making this up).....if a pastry is covered with glass or a black sheet it is still covered. Counter point - a pastry covered with glass will tempt me but a pastry covered a black cloth will not.
Both these speakers were women (shouting there point)....and they say men treat women as a comodity!! SHEESH!
One good point(which has been proven again and again and again).....why do men not cover themselves?? can't they tempt women??.....now that you have stopped laughing, think of all th ewomen screaming when salman takes of his shirt....why the double standard?? why the hypocrisy?
One thing every body kept repeating was....It is my CHOICE, and I have the freedom of choice.
Choice is something you make once you take a look at both sides of the argument.
I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't wear a skirt. Well I don't do these things coz I was brought up to think these were not right....well the skirt part was for guys....err ok not scottish guys....any way so when somebody is brought up looking at people around you doing things one way. You try doing it some other way.....THEN WHAT YOU DECIDE IS YOUR CHOICE. Following what everybody around you is doing is not a CHOICE.
Another argument was (m not making this up).....if a pastry is covered with glass or a black sheet it is still covered. Counter point - a pastry covered with glass will tempt me but a pastry covered a black cloth will not.
Both these speakers were women (shouting there point)....and they say men treat women as a comodity!! SHEESH!
One good point(which has been proven again and again and again).....why do men not cover themselves?? can't they tempt women??.....now that you have stopped laughing, think of all th ewomen screaming when salman takes of his shirt....why the double standard?? why the hypocrisy?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)